Like several other writers (Judith Warner, formerly of The New York Times, and Adam Gopnik, of the New Yorker come to mind), Druckerman had a baby in Paris and discovers that child rearing in France is quite different from child rearing in the United States.

In a nutshell, French moms are both more relaxed, and stricter, Druckman says.  They teach their kids to sleep though the night earlier. They’re less likely to give in to their kids’ every whim. They cook better, healthier meals.

I’m not a French mother. But I’ve been a French kid. Though I missed the infant and toddler years, I grew up in France from age 8 to 18 (and lived there until I was 23). So I’ve gotten plenty of exposure to the results of this particular child rearing philosophy.

Druckerman is right that French kids eat better and are generally better behaved. She’s also right that French parents aren’t as tied up into their kids’ lives. But what she doesn’t see is that American kids, in my experience, are way more self-confident than their French counterparts. They’re bolder, more daring.

What Druckerman also seems to ignore is that to raise American kids the French way would take a major social upheaval here in the United States.  Let me explain.

Yes, French women don’t have to do all the crazy things American moms do. But that’s because college entrance is not a competitive process there. I am not kidding. In the United States, there are moms who start building their kids’ resume in preschool, piling on a ton of activities, such as music, sports, charity work, and so on. All to get junior into an Ivy League school. One of the scientists studying this phenomenon dubbed it “the rug rat race.”

Full disclosure: my 6-year-old takes piano lessons, ceramics and theater. But I don’t think it’s going to get her into Yale Drama or the Rhode Island School of Design. It just keeps her busy until I get home.

In France, everyone gets into the university of their choice (which, by the way, generally aren’t nearly as good as their U.S. counterparts). There are a handful of competitive higher education institutions, but admission is strictly based on GPAs and test scores, not on whether you play the piano and run a soup kitchen. I’m not saying it’s better. I’m saying that it allows parents not to go crazy over their kids’ resumes at a tender age.

Also, it’s a lot easier to be relaxed about taking care of your kid when you have a whole safety net to help you out. France has universal preschool, though access to day care for children under age 3 can be devilishly hard and expensive, especially in big cities. Then when the kids are of school age, they’re in school from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Most schools also run after-hours programs until 6 p.m. Some schools hold Saturday morning classes as well. So women don’t have to choose between working full-time and working part-time. They also don’t have to constantly think about how they’re going to fill their kids’ schedules until they come home.

French women (and men) also benefit from a 35-hour work week and have a minimum of five paid weeks of vacation a year—and on average seven weeks of vacation, according to Paul Krugman from The New York Times. That’s plenty to spend quality time with your kids—and then some quality time on your own. By contrast, American parents constantly struggle to squeeze in a few hours with their children on their days off—which they may not even have.

And one more thing: French women entered the workforce much earlier than their American counterparts, since the industrial revolution in fact, especially in big cities. Even before then, women worked alongside men in the fields and on the farm. So there is no real tradition of staying home with the kids. I think most American women can think back to their moms staying home. For most French women, a working mother has been a reality since at least the 1950s—and even before than in working class families. (That’s even more true in Eastern Europe, BTW).

Finally, I would argue that French women’s more detached attitude toward their children has a flip side. A well-known and influential French philosopher, Elizabeth Badinter, is openly opposed to any campaigns and policies that encourage breastfeeding. And the French president recently referred to breastfeeding as slavery.  Yikes!

Finally, I’d say that all this is only true for a certain slice of the population: the educated, fairly well-off middle class. I spent about half my childhood in a working-class neighborhood outside of Paris. I can tell you that most of our parents were too busy worrying about putting food on the table and paying the rent to give much thought to child rearing philosophies.

In France and in the United States, all these questions don’t really matter if you’re unemployed, or barely employed, or juggling two jobs. They also don’t matter much if you’re from an immigrant population that has a completely different philosophy of childrearing. And you only have to look at the economic crisis in Europe right now to wonder how long all its family-friendly policies will endure.

First, I need to find more recipes for quick dinners that I can get on the table in 30 minutes or less. I’m a good cook, but my repertoire is closer to Alice Waters than Rachael Ray. So I’ve been relying on the few quick recipes I know to get us through the week—in other words, we’re in somewhat of a food rut.

I’m already a fan of Dinner, a Love Story, a blog started by a former editor at Real Simple that addresses this issue specifically. But I need to actually use her recipes more, rather than just read it on my lunch break. I’ve also found some pretty good resources scouring Babble’s list of the 100 best food bloggers. Finally, I think a slower cooker is in our future. I love the idea of getting everything ready in the morning, pressing a button and getting a nice, warm meal when I come home.

Second, I decided to be way mellower during piano practice. I don’t care what Amy Chua, of “Tiger Mother” fame, says. My 6-year-old does not respond to that kind of coaching. I’ve had the opportunity to observe a couple of her piano lessons lately. Her teacher is Ukrainian, so I was expecting a fair bit of Eastern European discipline. But though she is persistent, my daughter’s teacher also makes sure she gives plenty of praise and encouragement during lessons. I’ve started doing this too, and piano practice has become somewhat less painful. If I notice that my daughter is too tired, I’ll also let her skip it altogether for one day, which is better for everyone’s sanity.

Third, I’ve decided to cut back on my 6-year-old’s activities, especially when it comes to sports. There are a lot of news stories out there about how children nowadays are overscheduled and need more free play. There’s also a big debate about whether it’s good for them. To me, our Hawaii vacation was an eye opener. My daughter is usually pretty cranky. But when she got enough rest, she became a delight and started reading books on her own, something I had struggled to get her to do at home.  So this year, we’re quitting tennis and gymnastics, which will make her days shorter. We are however keeping swim lessons, which in my mind are a must when you live in Southern California, and which will give her some opportunity to exercise. I’m not saying this works for every family. Some kids handle a full schedule better than others. But I think it will work for us.

So I’m curious, what are your New Year’s resolutions? Have you found any new ways to make your day-to-day routines better?

As a result, we always try to get the grandparents meaningful gifts for Christmas. For my husband’s parents, because they help so much. For my family, because they’re so far. And of course, both care tremendously about our daughters. This year, I got them canvas-wrapped pictures of my daughters. But I also wanted to give them something the girls actually made. Enter Jake & Ella’s Handprint wall sets.

First, we laid out the canvas squares where the prints would go:

Then we got the white finger paint ready:

My 6-year-old daughter placed her hand in the finger paint:

White paint is fun!

Here is one of her handprints:

And here is the finished set, with her prints and her sister’s:

I was a little worried about how my 2-year-old would do with them, but it turned out to be fine. The whole activity took about 30 minutes. Can’t wait to see my in-laws’ reaction when they unwrap this at Christmas! It was so easy–and fun!

Whenever I’m asked if we sell educational toys or books that build self-esteem, I wince a little inside.

As parents, we all want academic excellence and healthy self-esteem for our children. But when I hear about parents feeling pressured to “enrich” their children’s lives with systems to teach babies to read or DVDs that “teach” toddlers self-esteem, I wince.

Not an “educational toy” was in sight last weekend as my grandson busied himself creating a robot from a cardboard box. Taking a quick break to watch me use my curling iron, he asked what the stand on the bottom of the iron was. I showed him how it elevated the iron off the counter, preventing it from being burned. Later that afternoon, when he was having a difficult time getting his robot to stand by itself, he rigged up something that enabled it to stand perfectly. When I asked how he thought to do that, he reminded me of the curling iron stand. Little did I know my explanation would become an educational “tool.” But that’s the point. Educational tools and toys are pretty much free for the picking whenever we choose.

Sadly, they weren’t chosen for a little girl I was walking behind recently. When the girl lagged behind to smell some beautiful flowers, her mother harshly admonished the girl to “STOP IT!” As the mom resumed chattering on the phone, talking about how her daughter was just diagnosed with allergies, the now-skipping girl began singing, “I have allergies, allergies!” When she interrupted her mom, asking, “Mommy? What’s allergies?” the mom exploded with, “I AM ON THE PHONE! What is WRONG with you?!!!”

Ironically, never have we been so inundated with books and tools to give children a head start cognitively and to boost their self-esteem and confidence. But in the case of this little girl, how many interactive DVDs and educational toys will it take to undo the message her mom was sending?

In pondering the different learning experiences of these two children, I began thinking about the importance of parenting between the lines. In other words, when it comes to raising children, it’s not so much about the big stuff—the trips to amusement parks, the enrichment programs, and the array of expensive toys and technology. It’s about the little moments in between that help prepare our children to navigate the world. The winter holiday season is full of big moments, but let’s not forget all the small ones our children are absorbing—how we respond when they ask if reindeer have wings or if they can help wrap presents. My hope is that we use these small moments to stop and listen to our children’s questions and remember that no thing can ever replace the value of connecting with our children when it comes to educating and building self-esteem.

-Janet  Kelly

Chinaberry, Jake & Ella’s parent company

Luckily, this year, I work for Jake & Ella, so I at least have one place for one-stop shopping for the little ones in my family. The website has some nice gifts for parents too. Here are a few things I’ve been salivating over in the last few weeks. (Oh, oops, I’m making a list again!)

For my artsy 6-year-old daughter, I could buy the hexagon colored pencils, or the Eco-Art Pad or the Eco-Paint. She’s been taking ceramics lately, so the sandy feet keepsake casting kit might be a good bet too.

For my 2-year-old, I could get the Now You’re Two gift set I didn’t buy on her birthday. It comes with a wiggly caterpillar pull toy, three books, a CD and an eco-friendly tote. Or I could get her the holiday set for 2-year-olds, which comes with Maplewood rainbow blocks, two books, a CD and a tote.  Or I could get her the holiday book set for little ones, which comes with three books. Choices, choices.

Meanwhile, my only first cousin became the father of a darling little boy this year, who just turned 8 months old. I could get him the holiday book set for babies, which features four books, including the classics “Twelve Days of Christmas” and “Silent Night.” Or I could get him the teething baby collection, which features indestructible baby books, an organic, triple-krinkle rattle, the chewable Scraptopus (environment-friendly as the name indicates) and a natural rubber panda teether. Or I could just get him the organic sleeping monkey doll, though I suspect his grandparents have already taken care of the plush toy department.

Speaking of which, the Jake & Ella website also has presents from family members, like grandparents, who may not see your little one very often and would treasure a keepsake from them. The handprint wall art sets would make a great gift (more on that in a later blog post). But I also like the baby prints holiday ornament. In fact, I could see myself making one of those every year for each of my kids.

Finally, the website even has something for my husband, who is by far the toughest person to shop for in our family. “Handy Dad: 25 Awesome Projects for Dads and Kids” will give him ideas to spend some quality time with the girls. It even has instructions on how to make a dollhouse!

Oh, and I really want a teething bracelet for myself. It’s so stylish, it almost makes me wish my 2-year-old was still teething. Almost.

Happy shopping!

Jake & Ella

One of our best selling items for the holidays is our Handprint Cookie Cutter, which takes an outline of your child’s hand and transforms it into a personalized tool for creating your favorite holiday treats. Since they’re custom crafted, they take a few weeks to prepare, so if you want to order them this is the week to do it!

But why? Well, we found as many reasons people love them as we have fingers and toes — and one to spare!

1. They make a perfect present for mommies and daddies who are building baking  into their Christmas traditions.

2. They make a super gift for grannies and aunties who want to have a special activity for when the kids visit.

3. Two words: dishwasher safe.

4. These are an exclusive item — not for sale at Amazon or Williams Sonoma!

5. They remind us of a simpler time, when toys were handmade by elves and kitchen utensils were built to last.

6. When little hands turn into bigger hands, these will remain a touching memento.

7. They’re handcrafted at Jake & Ella’s home by the incredible Patti Guthrie. She takes a long sheet of aluminum and a special bending tool. Following the traced outline, she bends the metal to form a faithful silhouette.

8. Patti also writes a commemorative message on the outside of each cookie cutter in her perfect schoolteacher script.

9. Three words: lovely hostess gift.

10. They’re the secret base ingredient to countless personalized treats, like cookie bouquets, Thanksgiving gobbler cookies, even edible valentines.

11. The total package includes a list of Jake & Ella’s favorite sweet recipes and ideas, to get you started.

12. They’re durable. No rusting or wobbling allowed!

13. Chinaberry has been creating and selling these for years — and Chinaberry equals outstanding quality.

14. Who would love cookies with your child’s handprint? Teachers, aunties and uncles, babysitters, grandparents, neighbors, godparents, friends, nurses. Even better: you tell us!

15. They’re a great way for siblings to share and help with holiday baking — without fighting over the Christmas tree or snowflake shape!

16. One word: tradition.

17. Two words: quality time.

18. Two gift giving options: You can either send the recipient the kit so they trace the outline, or you can get an outline and surprise them with the cookie cutters directly.

19. The fun starts long before the baking when you first trace the little outline.

20. Eligible for promotional $5 shipping.

21. What could be sweeter?!!

Want a closer look? More info here.

Is baking a part of your holiday traditions? What’s your favorite holiday cookie recipe?

Image courtesy of Carrie Stringer Pipkin.

Time for some fun!

We love imagining all the babies and children playing with the goodies we ship their way, sent by mommies and aunties and grandpas and friends. So we figured we’d give you a chance to show us!

If you have any Jake & Ella goods in your house, time to get out the camera. We’d love to see your little one playing with it… sleeping with it… drinking from it… sucking on it… slurping all over it… coloring with it… or how ever else they love it to pieces.

Here’s how to enter.

1. Go to our Facebook page and post a picture of your baby playing with Jake & Ella gear, wearing Jake & Ella clothes, sleeping next to a Jake & Ella stuffed animal, etc. There’s no limit to what you can post, as long as the picture includes your child and something you bought or received from Jake & Ella.

1b. Alternately, sent the photo via email to jakeandellastore@gmail.com with “Photo Contest” in the subject.

3. We’ll post the winner on our Blog & Facebook wall.

4. The winner will receive our Handprint Cookie Cutter, made to order using your child’s handprint outline —  a beloved holiday gift to cherish for years to come!

Photo Contest Prize!

5. Entries due by November 1. Fine print: By submitting your photos you are agreeing that we can use them on our blog, website and social media sites promoting Jake & Ella.

Can’t wait to see your beautiful pictures!

Thanks for entering! Good luck!!

We’ve grown a size or two — with a treasure trove of new toys, parental pampering treats, books and more! We spent months finding, selecting, testing and curating these additions to our collection, and we’re so excited to share them with you. The first crop is out today, and we’ll keep releasing products over the next few months.

To celebrate our new collection, we’re introducing a new discount code. Check back on Facebook or Twitter for details. And coming next week, we’re unleashing an exciting new contest. Stay tuned on this blog, or subscribe, top right corner, to get the scoop sent right to your inbox!

Here are a few our latest favorites.

Toy and tummy ache comfort in one

Donkey is the perfect size and weight for your little one, and those striped pajamas he’s wearing look an awful lot like the ones many of us had as kids. His tummy, while it may be great fun to play with, is filled with cherry stones, which heat or cool depending on where you put his little removable pouch: the freezer or microwave.

Good morning and good night

This little birdie will tweet sweet dreams at night or naptime and when flipped over, welcome baby awake with the sun. The tile hangs from a sunny yellow ribbon. You can even put the tile on the door to remind others to be quiet when baby is dreaming. A lovely, original gift to be remembered.

A sock to spare

The nice thing about these happy socks is that they all vary slightly within similar patterns so that you can go ahead and lose any combination of three and still be left with a very nice pair!

I am not worried about my youngest, who is only 2. But my oldest is 6 and in first-grade. We may be spared the Sept. 11 lesson plan this year. I’ve never talked to her about the attacks, so I’ve been browsing the web for some good advice, just in case.

I always find PBS’s guidelines on talking about news to children particularly helpful. The website advises you to talk to your children about major news events, especially if you know they’re likely to hear about it from another source. It also advises to find out what they already know first.  Reassuring your children that they are safe also is key.

I also liked this column in The Huffington Post, which says to stick to the facts. I conducted an informal poll of my friends, and most said that was their approach to explaining 9/11. But of course, most of them are former reporters, so they may be a skewed sample.

The HuffPost article also has a good definition of what a terrorist is: “You can tell [your children] that a terrorist is someone who tries to hurt and scare people. They are trying to make people afraid. Terror is another word for being very scared. I would then add that there are not many terrorists in the world, but there are many good people in the world working hard to keep them safe.”

The column also tells parents to emphasize that 9/11 is a one-time only event, that is not likely to happen again. The author recommends not getting into details about Al Queda and other terrorist organizations.

Another approach would be to watch a Nickelodeon special about Sept. 11 with your children, depending on how impressionable they are.  Reviews of the program warn of some graphic content, so I know this wouldn’t work for my 6-year-old, who is prone to nightmares and general worrying (well, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, as they say).

I would not, however, give my child a new 9/11 coloring book, which has been vigorously criticized in the New Yorker and other media outlets.

In the end, even after all that reading, I still haven’t decided what I am going to do and say—and we’re only three days away from the anniversary. If her teacher doesn’t talk about it at school, I may just postpone the whole discussion for another year.

What about you? Have you already talked to your children about Sept. 11? What did you tell them? If you haven’t yet, are you planning to address the issue on the attacks’ 10^th anniversary? What are you planning to say?

Photo/NOAA

In that respect, I am not different from most Americans. AAA forecasts that more than 31 million Americans will travel for Labor Day, about 27 million of them behind the wheel of a car.  About 93 million traveled during the winter holidays, AAA says.  Well, at least most of them, nine of 10 to be specific, were in their car, rather than a plane.

I wonder what it will take to stop us. More than 60 percent of us say they’re willing to pay more to get away, as gas prices increase, which impacts both travel by car and by plane, according to Gallup.

Maybe it’s because we get so little vacation to begin with, and take even less. The average American employed worker got 18 vacation days last year, but only took 14 of them, according to CNN. By contrast, Frenchmen got 37 days and took 35 of them. So when we do get that precious time off, we want to go far! And have fun! (By the way, when it comes to vacation days, I am different from the average American. I’m always one day away from exhausting all paid leave by the end of the year. )

So perhaps to get us to cut back on the amount of carbon we burn on vacation, we should get more time off. Then we could feel less pressure to get away from it all when we are not working. A three-day weekend spent at home, rather than on the road, would be just fine.

Image from Unlimitedchoice.org